! Mamma Mia!

Generally this is a phrase used for exasperating moments....You've lost the keys, Mamma Mia! BUT, in our house it means an entirely different thing. In our house, it is a song. More than a song, it is a state of mind . One that my 14 year old daughter finds REPULSIVE. And I love it! I have raised her watching musicals. When she was little, it was Meet Me in St Louis with Judy Garland and of course GREASE.... the ulitmate until Mamma Mia. Now that she is older and "more mature" she prefers Moulin Rouge and Chicago.
I can't quite figure out what it is about Mamma Mia that she finds so "cheesey". Isn't Ewan McGregor standing on a metal elephant singing a song from the horrid Sound of Music cheesey??? Now dont get me wrong, I love Moulin Rouge, but comparitively speaking, they are pretty close to the same. So I have to assume that it is because I LOVE Mamma Mia, and ABBA that turns her off...after all, you can't be TOO much like your mom when you are just 14.

So, I am SOOOOO ready for the premieres next week. I am a Dancing with the Stars JUNKIE! I have picked the final two each season that I have watched it ( I have only missed season 1). Last year, I had to make due watching the episodes online with my crappy slow befuddled computer. Most of the time they would just start dancing good, and I would get "BUFFERING" and no dancing...this year, however, I have the new fangled DVR...where I can DVR 4, yes that is 4 F-O-U-R shows at once....yippee...just in time for tax season. I will be able to spend the summer catching up on my shows!
I am really frustrated that they canceled Men in Trees. I loved that show. I watched it for Patrick and Annie, Ben (the bartender) and his girl whatsherface. I even love Mi...Mom Mi to Patrick. But as all things tv that I love, they usually get filed in the circular file about the time I decide to watch them faithfully. I am glad that they are bringing back Private Practice. I love the chemistry between all the couples on that show, and Taye Diggs is just HOT!
Of course, Survivor is the show that I watch with my 11 year old. He still thinks reality tv with mom is cool...yeah 11 year olds!
I will say that some things better change on Grey's Anatomy, or I will be ditching them this year. I decided last year that I would give them the benefit of the doubt, so here it is...this is it!
My longstanding tv love affair is of course, and always will be with Days of Our Lives. I have watched that show on and off (mostly on) for 28 years. Yes, I started watching it with my step mother the summer I turned 9. She has long since stopped watching it, but I feel like the people in Salem, Midwest USA are actually PEOPLE I KNOW. Ok, so I'm not quite that bad, but it is faithful. It is always there for me, and they are way more messed up than me! I have tried to draw my 14 year old daughter into it, and she would rather sleep until 2 in the summer than watch my soap with me.....MAMMA MIA!

It's Fall Planting Time!!

Ok, next to summer...my absolute most favorite time of year, comes spring and fall planting. I have mentioned before my love of flowers...I get this from 4 very key people in my life.

1st I grow tomatoes and peppers in my garden as my Grampie did when I was a girl. Grampie was full blooded Italian, and as a good Italian protoge I dutifully followed him around the garden all summer. I weeded, I talked, and I ATE TOMATOES! It took me 16 years of my adult life to start my own garden and find that peace I felt as a child wandering Grampies plants. So, now, I grow tomatoes OUT MY &%! and can them for the fam.

2nd When I wasnt wandering the tomato "fields" (it was a big garden to a small child) with Grampie, I was tottering about in Mema's flower beds. I spent MANY a summer afternoon, learning which to pull as weed, and which to leave as flower. This is undoubtedly where my love for "wildflowers" was born. Mema had no rhyme or reason in her flower beds...lilys, peonie, daisies, sweet william, irises, cannas, daffodils, you name it, it was in there somewhere.

3rd My dad was a houseplant FREAK when I was a kid. Our old house had a porch with these open beams, and at one time, there must have been dozens of ferns, spiderplants, etc hanging from these beams. My dad was the one who taught me that the big beautiful flowering plants at places like Worlds of Fun and Silver Dollar City, were there for me to "pull starts". I still have the last start he "pulled".

4th My mother was a little bit of all three of the above. For a time we resided in the "country" complete with the garden from HELL! Complete with pear, peach, apple, and cherry trees, our garden had green beans, green beans, and green beans. No, I do not grow green beans. She also had houseplants all over our house, and of course flower beds along the front or sides of any house we lived in.

So what does this mean about me? I am an eclectic mix of these green thumbs. The front of my house in the summer looks like a flower nursery, my backyard looks like a farm, the inside looks like BOTH! hahaha!

What flowers and plants do for me is show me that beauty is so simple. When I am in my garden, I am free to think, and relax. Sometimes I think about simple things...grocery lists, doctor appointments...etc. Sometimes I think about the people that gardening reminds me of. Mostly, I just get my hands dirty for awhile, and stand up to admire my and God's handiwork. I feel earthy, womanly, and thankful for the time to just muse.

That brings us to this weekend...guess what Emily and Mom are doing Sunday after Homecoming dress shopping? Something we have done since she was in a baby carrier under a shade tree. We are going to plant. Then in the Spring, she and I will watch in amazement as those bulbs take the form of a flower. Nothing is deeper, or more rewarding to me than sharing my love of nature with my baby girl...knowing that my dad, grampie, and mema are influencing her and her children someday as they did me.

WII're back

Well, after a lovely 5 weeks with no WII, no PS2, and no GameCube, we are now back among the gamers. My 4 year old is the happiest about this, as Mondays, he cheerfully ships everyone off to school, so he can dominate the tv for 6 whole hours. Yes, that is exactly what he did today. I had forgotten how nice a peaceful day of laundry and housecleaning could be, with the family whiner happily bashing in jigglypuffs head. Lovely I say, periodically having this in home babysitter to occupy him, where I normally would be reading to, and playing with. I was even able to make his lunch today without his help...talk about nice.

So we are headed to the local Wal-Mart for eyeliner (my 14 year old), Body wash (my 15 year old) and a WII game (bday gift for the 11 yr old), and a Journey song comes on the radio. I am singing along, word for word, as I am a good teenager of the '80s, and my 15 year old son starts singing word for word beside me. Should I be offended or flattered? I thought my music was "oldies" I say to him. His reply? "It's JOURNEY mom, EVERYONE knows Journey." I thought about the music my mom listened to in the car with me. You know, those wonderful 8 tracks. I realized that some of that music, I consider MY music, not hers. I grew up on it. My son grew up on my music, so I guess that makes it "his". What I do know is this, I LOVE that he was sitting beside me singing Don't Stop Believing!!! These are the moments that I treasure. These, and everytime Dancing Queen comes on, I turn it up, sing at the top of my voice, and by the time my oldest two get married, I will have the coordinating dance!!!

Soak up every minute, even the ones that seem mundane. And when it seems like there is no common ground????? DONT STOP BELIEVING!!

You make that Gum Look GOOOOD!!

Once upon a time there was a 30 year old woman, who had a very decent body, and a pretty good tan....nowadays? Hair is in a ponytail, sweatshirt on, and hopefully legs have been shaved once in the last week. And we won't even mention the body! How are we supposed to do all this????

"Balance" someone told me. Balance? What the crap is that? I am not super mom, super woman, super cook, super anything. Society bangs at us from all angles, showing us supermodels on tv that we are supposed to LOOK like, professional chefs on tv that we are supposed to COOK like, and porn queens that we are supposed to ^%$# like....ugh. (sidenote here...notice how supposedly is spelled S-U-P-P-O-S-E-D-L-Y? I hate it when people say supposeBly..please, if you are one of these offenders...do TRY!!!)

My four and a half year old is on my absolute last nerve. I thought that my 15 year old was high maintenance when he was 4....nope. We are in the midst of whineyville...and that drives me nuts. We whine about EVERYTHING...even things that make us happy. I have tried the "I cant understand you when you talk like that" line....to no avail. I have tried "go to your room until you can talk right" to no avail. So what I am fast learning is that my four year old is out-witting me...hmmm.

On the lighter side, my husband has fully recovered from his surgery...you know what that means...saddle up!!

I am posting some pics of the kids on their first day of school...they may be teenagers and tweenagers, but they are good kids, and I adore each and every one of them...

The Sophmore in High School...who has a date to Homecoming!!!! He messed up last year and waited too long...she didnt have time to get a dress...so she said no! This year, he listened to Mom, and asked with plenty of time for dress shopping!

The Freshman...I know...she doesn't look like a Freshman. She had just finished BAWLING due to severe nerves!

The Seventh Grader, and Step Daughter #1 She was actually excited for the first day!

My Fifth Grader! This is his last year of Elementary...and boy is he glad!

The fourth grader, and Step Daughter #2... She is anxious NOT to miss the bus!

This is the four year old (aka WHINER). This was his first day of 4 year old preschool and man was he excited...not nearly as excited as MOMMY!!!

The Pain of Parenting

I am back after a LOOONG hiatus...I apologize.

I have the torturous privilege of being a step mother. After the torturous privilege of growing up as a step daughter, you would think that I had it together. I don't. In fact, I firmly believe that being a step mother is much harder than being a step daughter. As a step daughter, you get that wonderful, euphoric feeling of invincibility...of never second guessing your decisions, because you are young and RIGHT. Not as an adult. As an adult we are more mature (hopefully) and have developed a conscience. We also look at things more long term than we tended to do as children.

This places me right smack where I am...in the middle of "step motherdom". I have two step daughters...double the punishment??? As a step daughter, I was your typical "you're not my mom" kid. I think every step grows up pissed off that our parents aren't together, and we had NO CONTROL. I try to remember this when dealing with my step daughters. It isn't their fault. They had no control over their situation, just as I didn't. But they do have control over how they go forward. Unfortunately, they are children, and the easiest thing to do, is hate me. I hated my step mother. For everything she didn't do to me, and everything she did do to me. It hurts much worse as the step mother. The pain of the rejection from a child is much worse than the pain of the rejection of a mother. I have dealt with that rejection, and have moved forward. Children have the ability to hurt you worse than any other person in your life.

I am trying to love through this, although most days, when I am constantly being rejected, I just want to pack her up and ship her off. But I love her in a way that her own mother doesn't. And she knows this, which makes it even harder for her. I vow, here and now, that I will forge on with this. I will love her, even when she spits in my face. I will show her how a mother loves a child...she does not get this from her egg donor. That is the hardest part. Her mother is NO KIND OF MOTHER. This woman does not love these girls like a mother loves a daughter. I just keep that in mind, and understand the pain of being a step...mother and daughter.

I have a daughter of my own that I love beyond anything. I have the mother-daughter relationship with her that I didn't have with either of my moms. I have room for more...don't I?

I finally get one Dad!

This past weekend we took 4 of the 6 kids to Worlds of Fun...a theme park here in the Kansas City area that offers thrills for a family with all ages of kids. We had the extraordinary opportunity Saturday night to watch our 4 1/2 year old ride his first "big kid" ride. As he drug us from ride to ride, only to be heartbroken when he was ONE INCH too short to ride with the big kids, the look on his face was well worth the $150.00 it cost in admission. He is now the expert on the octopus, which he will tell you "gets stuck" at the top. The look on his face, and that belly laugh, had all of us cracking up.

One thing that really struck me as I watched my four babies ride the Finnish fling (the barrel ride that spins so that centrifugal force literally sticks you to the wall...only to have the floor fall out from beneath you) is that I remember my dad standing at the top of the barrel, watching me...laughing. It brought tears to my eyes, realizing that I thought I was the one having all the fun all those years ago. Standing there now as the parent, I realize exactly what my dad meant every time he said he had as much fun watching me as I had riding. I felt a new and different connection with my dad Saturday night. Not one of little girl/daddy. But one of parent to parent. Not all of my dads euphemisms have become clear to me yet, but I find that sometimes daily, I "get" a new one. My dad and I had a really great relationship. I hurt him terribly when I was 12, and he forgave me for it. One thing my dad never did was say "I told you so". I owe so much to him, and even though he is gone, I feel a renewed connection to him. I love you daddy.

Wildflowers and Romance In Full Bloom

I think I have finally come down off the high of the weekend. I spent an absolutely fabulous weekend with the hubby on a motorcycle trip where we planned nothing. We only knew when we were leaving and when we needed to be home. We ended up touring the bottom part of Missouri including the Ozark mountains, before we headed into Arkansas.

Being on a motorcycle is about the most intimate thing a couple can do together with their clothes on. It is just the two of you, one wrapped around the other, without the ability to turn your head away and look out the window. My hubby and I use this time to talk about all the things we dont have time to talk about Monday through Friday with six kids beckoning from every room of the house. The closeness we share while on a bike trip is amazing. It helps too that we dont have six sidecars with the kids tagging along.

We managed to find the prettiest, curviest roads in Missouri that were chock full of wildflowers. I love wildflowers, and so this was never-ending eye candy for me. We hiked two miles down a country lane that we didnt want to take the bike on, only to get to a pasture atop a hill that was home to a large portion of hubby's family graves. This little cemetery was delightful. Way back away from any sign of civilization (except the millions of cowpies we dodged to get there) nestled on top of the most gorgeous hill in Missouri, lies a small family cemetery. Hubby's grandparents and several aunts and uncles are buried here, and hubby hadn't been here since he was 7.

We ate at fun little hole in the wall, mom and pop shops that had great food...cheap. We stopped for ice cream cones at the local drug stores on the "square" that still had working soda fountains. On Saturday night we splurged and stayed at the Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs. This hotel is said to be haunted by numerous ghosts of residents of the past. We trekked that entire place several times, and somehow managed to miss them. But the ambience was the perfect end to a perfectly wonderful three days...complete with creaky floors, dark blustery thunderstorms, and an ancient claw-footed bath tub that managed to spray water EVERYWHERE including on the 15 foot ceilings.

The ride home Sunday was miserable, for two reasons. First, we knew we were headed out of "vacation land" back to reality, and second we were in full sun, and HOT! Now, it is enjoyable to ride, dont get me wrong, but in full sun for 6 hours sucks! Needless to say, we are sunburnt and sore by the time we get home on Sunday night. Would we do it again??? ABSOLUTELY! One thing going away for the weekend does is gives us time to reconnect, the other thing it gives us is the ability to concentrate on each other, and us. I would recommend to anyone, head out on a bike. If you dont have one, rent one! You dont have to be a "biker" to enjoy hitting the road on a motorcycle with the person you love most in the world! Ride on!